Run Report 1938: The Anchor & Horseshoes, Burpham

G, P, S – somehow we are still not coordinated…….

Scribed by Hawkeye

Burpham bubbled to the top of the PH3 agenda and Call Girl answered that call to hare for the day. Coming from near and far were a diverse pack that varied in age from <6 to >60 but were ultimately prepared for what lay ahead. In attendance were Pis’t’man Pat, Hawkeye, A-list, Robic, Blonde Party Girl, Secret Squirrel, Tea Cosy, Wally, ADHD, Virgil, Venus, Donkey Walloper and Ginger Rogers & Ayrton Senna with our youngest recruit ‘Cadence’. All participants dismounted from their 2 or 4-wheel vehicles to start the run, but Cadence sat it out in his 3-wheel buggy.

Also out and about were Hornblower and Strumpet. No not Surrey’s most unlikely named escort service, but Sunday hares too…..as we were to find out. A regroup was promised as was a GH3 style trail but with some crosses?? I partnered with Virgil to the first non-cross of the day before retracing our route via Coltsfoot Drive and Burpham Parade where we’d already been headed, so far so predictable. However, as we passed behind Sutherland Park the first clues appeared.

The problem with a PH3 pack running a GH3 style trail, is that no matter how many times we’ve tried, we still don’t get it. So with the appearance of multiple three blob markings, arrows and a flour circle seemingly covered (expertly uncovered by Secret Squirrel) – we were utterly screwed! I liken it to algebra – there was a brief moment in 1977 when I fully comprehended the hieroglyphics and regimen, by 1978 it had gone. By the same token, Groper explained GH3 rules to me once in 2013 and by (late) 2013 the concepts were as familiar as an unbroken tory manifesto commitment (e.g. non-existent).

Anyway we headed back towards the Spectrum with a growing sense of foreboding, especially after en route we inspected the ‘mother of all back-checks’ and cursed the hare for her new found streak of deviousness. Then like your sad, drunk uncle falling off the off the roof in a Santa outfit-the penny dropped. There was another trail set alongside ours. Damn! Set in flour. Double damn!! Thoughts of any PH3 splinter group – the Peoples Front of Pis’toff’en perhaps were quickly dispelled as some familiar faces – Le Pro, Kelinchi,  Wankelsplitz and Shit For Brains – confirmed that this was a manifestation of the Surrey Hash. What could we do…..run faster, let’s try that.

And so we did and made it to a regroup beside the lake on the far side of the A3. PP was absent, but as he was ‘fresh’ from two 12hr shifts at Guildford’s premier Oktoberfest event – that was only to be expected. Actually regardless of the Oktoberfest event, it would have been expected. ADHD, running with us for the first time looked a tad bemused but as he is more familiar with GH3, our calm and logical approach was no doubt a reassurance.

With circles next to circles, blobs and arrows the good folk of Burpham could be forgiven for anticipating an imminent alien invasion. As it was we were going head-to-head with the Surrey Hash and crossed paths somewhere around Bowers Lock before crossing the A3 once more. Several runners tried to cash in their Nectar points but the on in actually took us through Weybrook Park, the Glendale Estate and past George Abbot somehow.

A general freestyle ensued but it looked like Wally took line honours. However, a subsequent stewards inquiry revealed that Ginger Rogers prevailed, as the only runner to correctly follow the trail past the allotments on the far side of the A3. Sorry Virgil – I think we called you back from that one!

VERDICT:  An interesting run given more spice by the unpredicted appearance of the Surrey Hash. It seems whether it is GH3, PH3 or SH3 – our General Positioning System has no interoperability. But many thanks to Call Girl for getting her trail laid before SH3 decided to turn up!     

IN THE PUB: A few folk needed to depart, but the remainder settled under a marquee in the garden. IPA and Guinness we consumed and after an hour in a bouncy buggy – cadence necked a quick pint of Gaviscon. Barman’s tales revealed that PP continues to apply his sense of customer service honed after many years at the Post Office – now toward his beer swilling punters. Reassuring to know that he has a bouncer to call upon for support if needed! On on.

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